Oct. 6, 2001

What Is Love?

I was just musin' on that the other day, while watching that commercial with the handsome executive guy at a meeting with a bunch of cronies and that shmo new guy with the idea about using FedEx to "save money on online shipments." It always makes me laugh. But the handsome guy takes all the credit from the little shmo guy: is that Love??

In ancient times, people thought Love was a little neckkid kid!

The other day I was out hosing down the grass when a new mailman lady comes up to our building. "Say toots, how bout spottin' me my mail right here and now, so I don't has to go and unlock the box?" I sez. She looks at me oh-so-coldly, and says, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't deliver your mail without proof of your identity." Now who in this country is gonna eye-ball Jackie P. Starlight in da flesh and not know who he is???!! Okay, sure, so I've put on a few pounds in my later years, and my hair's a lot shorter and fewer than in my salad days, but sheesh! You know what I mean?

Is that love?

Over the ages I've come to da belief that love is not so much what you are, but what you eat. Or rather, who you cook it for... or... with. Or maybe it's a spirit... like, a ghost or something... I dunno — what the hell. At any rate, Anka hasn't called me in almost 2 weeks. Is that any way for a daughter to treat her aging legendary father?? And me with the gout flair-up. I tell ya, I don't have to look into too many dictionaries to tell you one thing: THAT ain't love!

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